Procrastination

The sight of the word tells you exactly what this blog is about... HAHA! My procrastination is at it's finest, not a good thing. So much is due, in such little time! Do teachers not understand I WANT to have a life outside of a 21 hour work week and evening classes 2 times a week that are 3 hours long each and school during the day?! Where's my time? Let alone my time with God? Once again, procrastination at it's finest. I'm working so hard for my grades and honestly, it's not easy, but I'm determined, even with this little negative thing that is always by my side.. It seems like I work better under pressure when it comes to homework, but always have the hardest time and find a way to get it done. Thought I'd blog about this stupid little trait that's always by my side.. ehh.

Thoughts Afterwords

After reading my last blog, all I can read behind it is my anger. Wow. It's sad I let all of that get to me. I had such a stressful week last week, but look forward to a better week. Great news about my trip! Mom says as long as I make a B or higher on my Anatomy 6 weeks test I'm able to spend a weekend with the girls down in San Marcos! I'm still at a challenge with friendships and relationships everywhere in my life, but I can't get anywhere without the relationship of my Savior. Everything may be sitting at the bottom of the hill for me right now, but there are brighter days on the horizon for me. I know God has some miracles and trials for me, but I overall know he has a greater plan for me. (Jeremiah 29:11)

This weekend I had a weekend with one of my friends that I don't hear much from, so it was nice to go out with her and hang for a little bit! However, getting the news from all my friends away from home that they'd be home next weekend just made my weekend even better to end! As I sit here thinking about everything, I never thought this year would be so difficult, but I know I can do it because God keeps whispering in my ear daily to keep going, don't stop just because it gets tough! (Josh 1:9) The little motivation signs from him daily just keeps me at a steady pace. This random, sorry! Somehow I want to get involved with school to make more friends, just not sure how.. :/ Let alone something that will be able to fit into my schedule of work and evening classes at Grayson County. Thoughts?

What does this mean now?

Today was just one of those blah days added to an extremely long week, but everything that just happened within the last 10 minutes probably ruined my whole entire night plus next month. I recently just started a new job, but knew I would be going out of town October 7th-9th to visit friends and Brett for his birthday weekend. My mom and I had planned to go to San Marcos for over two months and she just told me after I'd been counting down the days and been excited to see Brett and my closest friends, that because she made other plans over me that I couldn't go now, even though I'm down there frequently without her anyways. I'm hurt at the heart to know she did this especially when I had just put in my request off for work tonight for that weekend. Today, I just felt so overwhelmed with school work and knowing this information now, my day just went in the toilet and flushed. :( God has been trying to reach out to me this week and I've noticed it because everything I do has just not turned out, from my computer crashing and almost causing me to receive 9 zeros because my computer didn't like me. Then, my anatomy teacher shoving a bajillion pages of homework down my through, OH! and hate messages on my lab notebooks and facebook implied towards me and to me. So great week... Complete sarcasm. Tears running down my cheeks even as I write this because I'm not even done with the first lab write up! ugh. What is the Lord trying to tell me?! This week has just been terrible, where to turn next?!

Where to start?

     What's high school like walking in everyday knowing you're starred down and constantly looked at for things that are thought about you that are hatred? I've felt alone for the last few years of high school and have never had a chance to make that real group of friends that you hang out with every Friday and Saturday night. Senior year has begun and honestly I've never had such a difficulty with making friends or even fitting in. Moving here was almost a mistake, but if I hadn't moved here I wouldn't be where I stand now in my faith, relationships with my family and a few others. The ending of my Junior year struck me hard knowing that everything for me would be difficult my senior year. I had lost a friend I had known for years in a car accident March 15, 2011 due to drinking and driving. Ever since then, I've never been so hard on myself about that type of stuff, let alone the friends I do have. Later that week, after loosing Savannah, I had surgery that has left me with a painful scar that will last my entire life. However, knowing I lost Ashley to the same reason I had surgery, but was cured and healthy now makes me sad and truly makes me see God as someone who is truly good. The fight Ashley put on a fight that no one will ever compare to. On top of loosing friends and not having the friends I need in high school, I'm in a battle I'll never win with my dad. Through everything I see this as God using me to grow in my faith and testimony to share with others, but it's so hard to when a picture of me is painted that isn't true. I've always been the girl to live a dual life, I know where to draw my boundaries with my activities I'm involved with on my weekends, but have a constant belief in God and know He's my Savior.
     After all is set and done, I've realized I've given my heart to someone that truly touches me in the strangest ways. I hate knowing this person has made me so happy and doesn't make me feel so lonely because I know he's there and listening. This isn't one of those romantic lovey dovey relationships, but one that's different, yet extraordinary from others. We have our ups and downs on occasions, but that's expected for any relationship, I guess.
     This post was directed to tell you about me and for you to see who I am behind each post I post throughout the upcoming trials of my life. The new chapter of my life won't start til May 31st, the day I graduate high school, but the faster I get out of this place I'm suppose to call my school or home of peace, I'll be able to create my own life style without the bogging down of my past or people painting a negative picture. Life's life and God created it for a reason, I just haven't discovered my purpose, but when I find out what it is, I'll make sure to post! :) Night Bloggers.