It's been awhile since I last blogged, but I've been so busy and keeping up with stuff has been on it's edge lately. Boy so many emotions, so many thoughts and time have been on my heart lately. This past weekend my youth group at Lighthouse hosted a lock-in for Jr. high to Sr. high kids, which was alot of fun! The morning after, I got up at 5 with two others to make a FULL breakfast for 150 kids..! Yikes, I know! I also took my long and stressful waited anatomy test last friday. BOM BOM DOM! I don't think I'd ever been so nervous over a test as this one and boy did I think I knew quite a bit on my test. Turns out I didn't. I failed, with half of the class. I was disappointed in myself beyond disbelief, but I knew I couldn't beat myself up for it because it taught me that I needed to study in other ways to grasp the specifics she wanted us to know. Yes, that meant my San Marcos trip was on the line. I talked to my mom about it and she understood that I've studied for quite some time and put alot of effort into it, so thats when she decided that she would go against the deal and let me go visit everyone in San Marcos. Only reason why she went against her deal was because she saw the amount of effort, extra time and loss of sleep I got from the nervousness and stress of this test. Overall, a good turn out.
Close to two weeks ago, I texted an old friend of mine. We haven't been on good terms in awhile, so it was different to feel as if we were friends again. Since the time we started talking and now, it feels different, but the same all over again. Emotions on the rise, but the past is what makes me remember not to get too caught up. The days are drawing near however to my departure to San Marcos! I'm ecstatic, yet nervous. Things have been rough with this whole fraternity thing, my thoughts about it are all over the place, but I think once I see things for myself I'll truly see the extent of situation. I'm not sure if God put this person from my past in my life again for a reason or if he wants me to see the worst of worst so I have a reason to leave my current relationship. God will lead me down the right path, I know he will without a doubt and will show me which high road to take. I'll know this road within the next couple of days. Hopefully they're days of joy and memories to be made and kept for keepsake moments.
Friendships are still a struggle even though I'm the oldest and friendless I'll be on this day forever, it's still eating away at me, no ones there. Adults can't replace the childhood friendships that anyone my age is suppose to encounter. Yes, friendships come and go, but being lonely with no one to hug and tell you it's alright, or that you should just keep pushing to the next goal, just makes you think what is next in life that will really escalate you to the next level. Recently I've dealt with outraging drama between a few juniors who constantly pick on me. I know I can be a hardhead, but at this point in my life where I stand, I'd much rather be lonely then have people who try and friend me for ways to blame their gossip and problems on, when I have enough of my own to deal with. Theres really no turning point right now, its one of those moments that you have to wait and sit upon. What's next?
One of my close adult friends who is a great mentor and stands by my side just to vent gave me the great idea of gratitude and 40 days of thankfulness! Gratitude is where you post something public (it can be anywhere) what you are grateful for. Ex. Gratitude #1 a beautiful day and my parents being able to discuss option for college. It's easy, but sometimes hard to remember to do! Even if you create a journal of the days or amount of gratitudes you're thankful for would look cool, something to look back on! 40 days of thankfulness is where you post something anywhere also once a day about the one thing you are truly thankful for. Try it out! Make it your challenge for the rest of the year and see how you do! :) Later bloggers!
